wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
