I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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