think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
