Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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