I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Oh god it's open bar.
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