I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
