Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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