Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
