I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
