When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Success! We fucked roommates!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
