So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
