just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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