Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
