If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
a search helicopter?!
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
