even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
