if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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