what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
