i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
