those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize