did you get engaged???
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize