I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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