My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
