he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
