That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
