i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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