then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
