I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
