Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
