I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
