i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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