never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize