Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
