You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
