I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
