he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
