So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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