Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
