At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
