you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
