I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
