so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
