Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize