my phone needs a breathalizer
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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