Small penises have feelings too.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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