i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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