My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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