Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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