theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I supernannyed him into submission
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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