Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
