as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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