i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize