you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
