NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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