Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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