If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
