I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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