your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
