U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
