My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
