there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
